A Hero Milspouse

I learned something from a fellow Army wife that made me smile.  Sgt. Kimberly Munley, the off-duty police who stopped the shooter at Fort Hood the other day, is not only a hero...she's a milspouse!

Wondering

Stella wrote a paragraph on her Fifteen Months... blog that needs to be shared with every milspouse.  I know we have all sat and wondered these things, and that many of our questions go unanswered.  I often feel like my husband's deployments contribute immensely to who he is as a person, and yet I know nothing about them.  His day-to-day life is a mystery to me.  I wish I knew the little things: what he eats, how he sleeps, what movie he might've watched.  And yet I know very little about a combined 29 months of his life...

Stella writes:

Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and wonder what's happening in that other parallel universe when he's living. Now that I'm wondering this from Germany instead of California like I was last time doesn't seem to make me feel any closer to his world. It's 2:42 am right now, so he must be sleeping but I'm still curious about the smell and temperature of the air he's breathing in. I wonder what might have happened today or what conversations he had that made a part of him grow or change perspectives. There are so many things that I will never know about, so many conversations about the small details of our parallel lives I know will never be recounted. The collective weight of the significance of these many seperately experienced moments wakes me up in the middle of the night.

(Thanks to Post Tenebras Lux for the link.)

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We Are Family

Yesterday I was reminded of something a friend of mine emailed this morning, "Our military family is often closer than our blood family." I was asked if I would be willing to comment on what military spouses were thinking and feeling while this was unfolding. I wouldn't have had to guess, because I knew exactly what they were thinking and feeling. And doing.

I heard the breaking news yesterday while in my car running errands. We have a SpouseBUZZ author whose family is attached to Ft. Hood. I pulled over and texted airforcewife to please try to make contact with her. She texted back that the SpouseBUZZ gals (and Toad) were already on it. All within ten minutes of the initial report. Meanwhile, I was preparing a list in my head of who we knew at Ft. Hood and how to get in touch with them. 

I cut my errands short and returned home to a flurry of emails, phone calls and text messages. People were passing news along and checking in to let everyone know their status. My last phone call of the evening came at 10:00. From a civilian who just wanted to be sure we were okay, the people we knew were okay and to extend her condolences to the entire Army family. 

What was happening at my home was being repeated at countless military homes worldwide. We needed to know that the people we personally know were safe, all the while worrying about the families we've never met who were less fortunate because, like my friend said, they're our family, too. 

My heart breaks for all of the victims of the Ft. Hood shootings, but I know that our Army family has its strong arms wrapped tightly around them. I love having a huge family. Sometimes we squabble. Sometimes we have spats. We may not want to be BFF, but when we need each other. Really, really need each other, we have a massive Army to lean on. As bad as things may get, I'll always find a measure of comfort in that knowledge. 

Ft. Hood Shooting

Horrible, horrible news.

We held our first SpouseBUZZ LIVE at Ft. Hood, and we have lots of friends stationed there. Way too early to know for sure what has happened and what is going on right now, but one thing we do know -  this is a tragic day for all military families.

Our thoughts and prayers are with our brothers and sisters at Ft. Hood. 

Update: The Killeen Daily Herald's Twitter feed is here. They have reporters on post.

Fit Club - Where airforcewife Wonders What on Earth She's Done

Last week I made a big decision in my fitness journey - I changed my fit-focus.  I'd always like active things - Nikki Fitness was perfect for me.  I didn't have a lot of time, and I seem to have workout ADD - things have to change quickly for me to keep focused. But lately I've hit a plateau and I've found that I truly dread working out.  I make every excuse in the book not to have to work out.  Obviously something needed to change.

Last week I started something new:  boxing. 

It seems to make sense - with Air Force Guy gone I've got a lot of rage I need to let out.  Frustrations, both daily, and... well, you know.  Married People six thousand miles apart for a long time frustrations.  Hitting things sounded like a perfect outlet.  I could hit things AND I could get a workout?  Yay me! 

Almost as soon as I signed up and handed over the check for the gym I started getting scared.

And the guilt is lifting

It has been a while since I have had anything to add to the conversation here at SpouseBuzz. 

I think the last you heard from me, I was living in a state of perpetually broken down appliances.  That pressure has seemed to let up a little for now. (knocking on wood)

I also am working again, which was HUGE.  Finding an employer, that will work with a military family schedule is HUGE.  It seems to help that the gentleman I am working for was former military. 

Year of the Air Force Family

It's the Year of the Air Force Family!    I thought that was pretty cool to see - new initiatives, new light being shone on the things families need to stay healthy and strong (maybe not Army Strong, but we have our own version.  It involves hair spray).  I can't tell you how absolutely wonderful I think it is when the command of any branch of the service takes a good look at the needs of those supporting the service and decides that extra attention needs to be focused in that area - and then decides to dedicate an entire year to doing so! 

It is even more exciting to me when I get to be a part of it, and Air Force Family (mine, that is, not the generic.  Although I'm sure we're not the only ones.) is happy to get involved.

One thing I can tell you right off the bat is that when Air Force Guy left the Army to join the Air Force long, long ago in a galaxy far, far away, I thought I was headed for an era of peaches and cream and mint juleps on a sun shaded porch.  No more long duties!  No more field exercises that seem to get extended every single time! 

In our case, that's not exactly what happened.

Did You Know?

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Fitness Catalog Available
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"A Manageable State of Anxiety"

I was talking to a fellow Army Wife last week. Her husband was deployed during the initial push into Iraq. He's back in Iraq now, his third deployment to that country. We were talking about how, for her, the landscape on the homefront has changed to reflect the progress on the ground in Iraq.

Suzie, we'll call her, recalled how nervous and uptight she was in 2003. Communication was extremely limited and, if you'll recall, we were all holding our breaths wondering if chemical or biological weapons would be unleashed on our troops. We talked about living in a perpetual state of anxiety. Suzie said that was an apt description of the first two deployments. Life went on, but the tightening in her gut never relaxed until her husband was home. 

I pointed out that she mentioned the first two deployments. "What about this one?" I asked.

Confessions of a Milspouse, #745

I am notoriously stingy.  I'm the lady who's been known to use a 50% off coupon on a $1.99 item...or drive home without the $1.99 item if I've forgotten the coupon at home.  My husband is stingy too, so we make a good couple.  But there's one thing that I hate spending money on that almost makes me feel like a bad wife at times.

I don't mail my husband care packages while he's deployed.  I don't think postage is a good use of our family's money.

My husband has never complained and always says that he can get anything he needs downrange, and if he can't get it there, he doesn't need it.  But still, when I hear other military spouses talking about sending care packages, I do sometimes feel guilty.

Still, not guilty enough to spend money to mail him snacks and movies.  He gets plenty of both.

I send letters.  Postage for one package is the cost of sending him at least 20 letters.  I'd rather invest in loving words...

Am I the only one who doesn't send care packages?  (Probably.)

A Tale of Two Civilians

Actually, it is really a tale of three civilians, but two of them work together.

Making the Most of Your Money

I really hate to toot my own horn, but I've been persuaded.  For a little over a year now, I've been writing another blog at Military.com called The Paycheck Chronicles.  The Paycheck Chronicles is all about money and much of the content is specific to our military experiences.  I try to include a variety of types of information, from good deals to big questions to interesting articles elsewhere on the web.

One thing lacking at The Paycheck Chronicles:  smart and useful comments like we have here at SpouseBUZZ.  The conversations that occur in the comments here are the best part about SpouseBUZZ (in my humble opinion.)  I've been hoping to build that sort of community at The Paycheck Chronicles but it hasn't happened yet.

Anyway, if you are interested in stretching your paycheck a little further, or learning more about financial issues, or just hearing other thoughts, check it out.  And if you would like to contribute to the learning, that would be great!  I will look forward to seeing my SpouseBUZZ friends at my other home.

Welcome Back, Murphy

What a sad little TV show that would be!  Welcome Back, Kotter was great.  Welcome Back, Murphy?  Not so much.

With everything that's been going on lately, I had not even uttered Murphy's name lately.  When I do, it is in the vein of Seinfeld's uttering Newman's name.

Did You Know?

Travel Safety Tips
Cyber Security Tips
Beware of Dangerous Downloads
Veterans & Active Duty Eat Free on Veterans Day
AAFES Gift Cards Accepted Online
H1N1 Vaccine Expected in November
Red Cross to Deliver Holiday Cards
Respite Child Care Available
Fit Tips

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Fit Club: The Running Is Hard Edition

As I've mentioned before, I've been trying this Couch-to-5K running program.  I've been trying it for a long time - so long that a certain SB author who began just before me is actually running a 5K this week!  I'm not doing quiet so well...after about seven weeks, I am still on week two of the program.  Again.

I'm finding this very discouraging.  I'm not really accustomed to a lot of challenges that I can't overcome pretty easily.  An from a purely time-management standpoint, I've got it easy...all the kids are in school for a full day and I work from home.  So what's the problem?  It seems to be my body.  It just doesn't want to run for more than about a minute and a half.

I'm going to stick with it, for I'm sure that I can do this eventually.  I'd love to hear how y'all are doing, if you  are making any progress, and how you deal with frustration.

On the other side, my dear husband was recently home on R&R.  I only gained a few pounds despite a steady diet of hearty home-cooked meals and even heartier restaurant fare.  Now that he's gone again, it is time to straighten that diet out and resume making sensible choices.  While I'm excited about the progress that I've made so far, I'm a little worried that I won't be able to sustain it when he comes home for good.  So, please, share your stories!

Workin' It

We've had the good fortune to feature Nikki and her workout and training advice on the SpouseBUZZ Fit Club several times. 

We love Nikki - anyone who can be so nice and upbeat and even help me with the search for the perfect SportsBra is truly special!  And it doesn't hurt that Nikki's Military Wife Workout really works and doesn't take all day. 

Well Nikki has a new article out on military.com and it's just for expectant moms!  Seeing as we have a few of those around, I thought I'd link to it for anyone interested.  The best thing about Nikki's workouts are that they work! 

And doesn't she look adorable? 

One generation to another

While I was visiting my mom over the summer I had a conversation with a retired Army spouse that has stayed with me.  I've wanted to write about it for months but wasn't sure if I could find the right words.  I probably won't but here it is anyway!

Mrs. C is a petite elegant woman with a wicked twinkle in her eye.  Mrs. C's husband was a career soldier who served in both Korea and Vietnam.  And yet, when she saw Stretch and I come into the church that Sunday morning, she came up to us and thanked us for our service.  Then she looked at me and told me how proud and in awe she was of us, today's military wives. 

Time Flies...

Looking back, it seems I haven't been posting much lately.  In my head, I'm posting all the time...driving down the road, falling asleep, out running walking.  That is one thing about my personality that works well with this whole military lifestyle - I like to keep busy.  And when I'm busy, I don't have time to think about much else except how to accomplish the next few hours and then when I'll get to sleep.

My husband's first deployment, quite a few years ago, we didn't have any children and so I worked.  A lot.  I had a full time job in the evenings and then I substituted nearly every single day.  And it was successful - there were some long days in there, but the 6 months went by FAST.  (Yeah, we're Navy, we consider 6 months a deployment.)

Last time he deployed, a few years ago, we had four little kids.  Enough said.

This time, everyone is in school, so I've really had to get creative to fill the time.  I'm trying to run, and generally exercise more, I'm taking a couple of classes at the community college.  I'm volunteering with the PTO, and (not) writing here, and writing The Paycheck Chronicles.  I'm pretty effectively filling every spare minute of my day.  And if I weren't, there's always Facebook.

I explain my life as one of these Fifteen Puzzles that you may have played when you were a kid - I'm forever trying to move all the little blocks around to get everything in order.  I was explaining that to my favorite mental health professional recently, and she said something that has really stuck with me.  She suggested that I needed to make sure that I kept a block open for my husband.  And that it probably wasn't going to be very helpful if he came home and all the blocks were taken.

Hmmmm.  That's an interesting concept.  But how will I get through it with empty blocks?  This is a dilemma for me.  So I'm curious - how do you keep yourself busy while your spouse is gone, without filling your schedule so much that there isn't room for your spouse when they return?

What Say You?

SpouseBUZZ has talked with First Lady Maria Shriver's office re some military family issues, and we're thrilled to learn of Maria's strong admiration for, and commitment to, military families. Today we received a message from Maria to pass along to you:

As the First Lady of California, I have had remarkable opportunities to meet with military families across the state.  From Travis Air Force Base to Marine Corps Air Station at Miramar, I have been amazed by the strength and spirit of military families.  I believe that military families serve, too, and your sacrifice and service is truly deserving of our respect and admiration. 

Through my experience speaking with military families and learning about their inspirational stories I realized that they had more to teach me than I could share with them.  So I invite you to join me in a special project, 10 Tips for Military Families by Military Families, and share your advice as a military spouse, parent and family member.  What is one piece of advice you would like to share with other military families?  Your thoughts will go a long way to help military families who can benefit from your experiences.  My goal is to share these tips with military families through my website and other opportunities that may arise.

Please, email and share your advice by October 30th.  You are welcome to leave your comments and remain anonymous.  

Thank you, Maria Shriver, California’s First Lady

Maria will be posting these tips on her website soon. Email your advice to Maria by clicking here, but also feel free to leave your tips here in the comment section. 

If you were asked to offer one piece of advice to a new military spouse (or family), what would it be? Mine is: Keep a healthy sense of humor, even when things look bleak. Laughter will take you a long way, especially when it comes to military life.... Right, airforcewife?

Just Another Day

It's been an eternity since I've heard from my husband.  OK, it was just last Thursday, but for some reason it feels really long.  And it's playing tricks on my head by now.  Yesterday I had nothing to do and was wearing sweatpants around the house.  I actually had the thought that maybe I ought to dress up or look a little nicer, just in case casualty notification showed up at the door.  Then I thought maybe I ought to clean up my bedroom a little, so they wouldn't see the pile of underpants I had folded but not put away.  And then I started telling myself I was being silly and to just relax.  But part of me was nagging that I would regret it if I had to excuse myself from notification to go put away the laundry.  Round and round like a crazy person after only five days of unexpected absence. 

And I'm filing this post under "Day in the Life of a Milspouse" because, sadly, thinking they might be dead is just a normal part of our day sometimes...

I Really Do Try to be a Grown Up

Situations happen to me.  They just do.  I have very little control over this fact, and I've learned to live with the ridiculousness that life throws at me.  It was always my dream to embody the cool elegance of Audrey Hepburn or the classiness of Grace Kelly.  However, it seems to be my destiny to be Lucille Ball.  On my good days, that is.  On my bad days I'm probably more like Joan Crawford, with complete strangers feeling oddly compelled to drop mini-curtsies my direction and call me, "Mommy Dearest."

But I digress.

Anyway, who knew that merely going through the grocery check out line could cause an existential crisis?

Trading Deployments Makes Them Go Faster

Air Force wife Darla made me laugh today with this paragraph:

A wise woman once told me that those that haven't experienced deployment or long periods of separated time from spouse/partners can't possibly understand how we feel when someone says something like 'oh he'll be home soon' or 'over half way there!' or 'three months will fly by!' She explained it along the lines of 'why don't you try sticking your head in a doorway and slamming it repeatedly with the door for the next three months or 30 days and see how quickly time flies by.'

It's funny how grating it can be when people tell you how quickly they think your deployment has gone.  I always feel like saying, "Gee, I sure am glad it's flown by so fast for you!"

And I try very hard never to tell other military spouses that they're "almost there!" or how quickly time will fly.  I know how much it stinks to say that out loud, even though, truthfully, everyone else's deployment goes so much faster than my own.

Maybe Darla and I could trade deployments?  Hers seems to have gone fast for me, and I'm sure mine is going fast by her standards too.  If we could only figure out how to trade...

We're EVERYWHERE!

For thirty years (since I was about 5 years old) I have wanted to go to Disney World.  How much have I wanted to go to Disney World?  I would pick Disney over a cruise to Hawaii.  I would pick Disney over a world tour (at least the first time).   I would pick Disney World over dinner with Abraham Lincoln if a time machine existed and I were somehow able to secure a special invitation to the White House in 1864.

Disney World has been a really big deal on the airforcewife list of things to do. 

After waiting and planning and saving, we decided this year was the year to go.  Everything just fell into place, which is particularly helpful.  We expected a big expense, and as we started pricing things out on the Disney website, our expectations proved to be right on target. 

But then I had a chance encounter with another military spouse, and everything changed.

"Worlds Apart"

When service members come home from combat sometimes they feel "Worlds Apart."

No matter your service affiliation or duty status, the below will hit home (and hopefully be of help) for many.

Goin' Postal

Yesterday was one of those days when I swore my head would explode before the clock struck noon. It was a day which called for a little Deployment Rage Syndrome (DRS), but there was just one little problem - my husband isn't deployed. So, since I couldn't just that very reasonable and justifiable excuse, I bit my tongue, clenched my jaw and didn't make a scene which would later horrify me (and my family).

While I was in the depressingly long line at the post office, I noticed something that began to irk me to the core. 

Conspiracy Theory

I know there's a lot of stuff in the news about how overweight we are as a country.  And I certainly don't dispute that.  However.  In the military, or at least in the Marine Corps (which is where I've lived the last 12 years of my life), there seems to be a conspiracy of fitness.  I'm not saying that this is a bad thing.  It is what it is.  Obviously, the Marines (and other service-members) need to be in the best possible shape.  But what about those of us who only married into the military?

Have you ever seen the Marine Corps Evening Dress uniforms? 

Eatin' Good in the Neighborhood

A free meal at Applebee's. 

If you know of other Veteran's Day freebies or discounts, feel free to add them in the comment section.

The October Challenge: The Calm Before the Storm

Okay, okay, here's a challenge everyone can -- and should -- participate in. I was at a department store this past weekend and I saw Christmas displays. Christmas. It's not even Halloween..... I had a moment of panic because I realized that after Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas and the start of a brand new year isn't far behind. I love the holiday season, I go all out on the decorating and I enjoy wrapping the packages, hosting parties, attending parties and those sort of things, but at the same time, it can be stressful.

So, and folks I'm telling you, this is as easy as it gets, we need to relish the calm before the storm. Between now and October 31, you are ordered to do something for yourself. Something that relaxes you, makes you feel pampered or something that's just plain fun. Go get a manicure, a pedicure, a massage. Take a heavenly bubble bath in the middle of the day. Splurge on a haircut and color if the budget allows. Whatever floats your boat, as long as it's a treat for you. Easy-Peasy.

Rules are here, but they don't necessarily apply to this challenge because we won't demand photos of you on the massage table or in the bathtub. You can send photos, but simply reporting what you did in the comment section will suffice. Like we said from the outset, we reserve the right to bend the rules....

The prize package will be a gift basket from Bath & Body works. While only a few candidates are in the running to win the total prize package, you should still participate. Who knows, we may have a few surprises in store at the end of the Challenge for runners-up or other participants. 

This year was a learning process, we'll do the 2010 challenge a bit differently, but thanks to all who have played along so far. November and December will feature mini-challenges.

Dear Children

I realize that I'm the only adult in the house at the moment.  I understand sometimes you have questions that only an adult can answer:  like, "May I go outside and play?" and "May I have those leftover Pixie Stix since they didn't get into Halloween bags?" and the omnipresent favorite, "What's for dinner tonight?" (this one is usually asked at 8:30 am).

You may also find yourselves in a situation that only an adult can handle:  for instance, like that time when Daughter #1 shaved off her eyebrows and The Informer (Daughter #3) couldn't wait to spill the beans. 

But I beg you, please.  PLEASE contain yourselves until I leave the bathroom to ask me these things!  I'm doing stuff in there, stuff that you really aren't helping.  In fact, and this may surprise you, sometimes I go in there when I don't actually need to go in there just to get some privacy and solitude.  Which, I have to admit, is somewhat spoiled when you stand outside the door saying, "Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Mom!  Mom!" 

As always, there is an exception for emergencies.  Like that time The Boy made a paperclip chain and decided to stick each end of it in a socket.  That calls for interrupting my Mom time in the bathroom. 

But otherwise?  For your own safety and well being I heartily suggest you take a chill until I come out.  I promise, I won't take too long.

Love, Mom